She drew concentric circles with her finger on her palm. Her eyes lowered as she sat before him in his cabin. He was on the phone with a customer. She drew these circles every time she was drawn into a conversation where she just preferred to be quiet. The ringing of his cell, had broken the deep silence that had surrounded them after he had announced – “I am committed to my marriage and it’s important to me that I continue to be a committed husband and a committed father.”

Outside the traffic snarled and hollered. The dull drumming of the air-conditioner did not do much to alleviate the discomfort, the statement had prompted. The parallel line broke into a ring and went silent – his secretary must’ve picked the phone. The conversation he was having had moved beyond niceties and issues had started rolling in. She shifted in the chair and began to gather her notebook. With a gesture of his hand, he asked her to wait.

The picture of his family seemed to mock at her. There he stood next to the Eiffel tower with his arms around his wife and their daughter. They had happy smiles on their faces. It seemed to confirm what he had said to her.

“Thank you, I will connect with you later.” With this, he shut off his cell and looked at her. The awkward silence seemed to rise between them again. Her fingers got busy again as she dropped her gaze and looked at her footwear.

“I want you to know that you are a very nice person. You are bright and smart and I’m convinced that you have a great future with this company. I admire your grit and determination and after everything you’ve told me about you, my respect for you has only increased. I’ve agonizingly agitated over what happened between us. I believe that our spouses repose a certain faith in us, when we work together. I don’t think we should violate that. I have a responsibility to your spouse as well. Do you agree with what I said?”

She looked up at him and her face seemed awash with a memory of a kiss they had stolen when they had traveled together on a business visit. They had been immersed in a presentation and in the midst of all the editing her hand had found his. He had held it at first. Neither of them had spoken. He held it longer and then gently squeezed her palm. She closed her eyes and allowed the warmth of that moment to stay in her palm. He had continued to speak about the presentation, his fingers mingling with her hands, until she had closed the laptop. She had turned to look into his eyes. Their faces had been so close, the air so taut with intimacy, she had turned in and kissed him. He kissed her back. For the rest of that trip they had been around each other – laughing, joking, working hard, like that moment in time had been God’s gift.

“ I am not ashamed or agitated of what happened between us.” She said in a calm voice, devoid of any dramatics. “Its not an ideal situation, but I am not cut for ideal situations. I do not have any demands on you. I respect your philosophy. Do you suggest that I should stop working with you?”

“No, I don’t want to stop working with you. You are brilliant in what you do, there is so much value add we can bring in here together. However, I do not want you to be in love with me. I am not in love with you.” He said.

“I don’t have control on whether I love you are not. I don’t operate those feelings at will. I don’t want to draw boundaries on what I have with you. What I have with you has nothing to do with what I have with my spouse. You are two completely different people. Its not about physical needs. If it were, I would have told you that.” She said

“I can’t be the one to comfort you. I can’t be the number one in your life.” He said.

“There has to be some meaning to what happened between us. We have a choice to kill it or nurture it and give it direction. I hear you tell me that you don’t need me. But I did need what you gave me. After having worked with you, I guess inside me, I have always admired and loved you – which is why what happened, happened.” She paused for a while and then added “I got to get home now. I’m leaving. I’ll catch you tomorrow.”

As she gathered her things he had noticed that her eyes had begun to flood. All this calm talk, had a volcano simmering beneath he knew. He knew about her abusive marriage. He knew about how much she missed being loved and being taken care of as a woman. But he had to be honest to himself. He wished they had not kissed. But, the truth was they had and in a strange way he had found himself thereby bound to her.

As she attempted to hurry out of the room with her things, she tripped and that broke the dam of emotions that had been struggling inside of her. Tears washed her face as she tried to gather her things as calmly as possible. “oh, please don’t…” he said softly as he helped her with the things strewn down. All she wanted to do was to rush into his arms and cry away all the lovelessness she had accumulated over the years.

“Ssssh”, she said as she walked to the door of his cabin. “Don’t forget you cant be the one to comfort me, boss.”

Later that night, she lay in her bed, she pondered – in so many ways, through so many people, in so many said and unsaid ways, in so many unseen and exhibited ways God sends us love…“I am committed too, I am committed to being loved” she murmured as she closed her eyes to sleep.